I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want her autograph on my taint
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
