Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
