so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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