Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My balls are so social today.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
