im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
