I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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