I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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