I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
