Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
