she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
