my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
please come you make the beer taste better
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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