last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
