when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
