Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
