I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
