that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize