You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
