Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
