he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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