She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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