yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
