I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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