I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize