You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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