i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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