I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
