How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
