I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I deserve this hangover.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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