According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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