OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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