No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
