I swear god or herbie drove my car home
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
