Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
