So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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