Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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