Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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