Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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