the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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