If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
