what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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