i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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