How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
