sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
