I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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