There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Bring me that man meat
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
