I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
