He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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