Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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