there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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