I have demons in me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
