you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
