I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He passed out mid-signature
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
