There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need help removing her.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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