That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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