I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
