1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
