I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
