Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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