Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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