I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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