Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
