I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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