apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
