To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
