every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
