How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Sober January is a disaster.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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