No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
