Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
