Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
