I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
