remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Michael Bay diarrhea
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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