I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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