White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
