Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
