Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Even my vagina gasped.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
