And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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