If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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