If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
