I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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